Note: This article is largely an edited and condensed
version of Robert Lewis's book, Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father's
Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood (Colorado Springs, Colo.:
Focus on the Family, 1997). Much of the material here is made up of condensed
statements or summaries; therefore, please do not quote from this transcript.
Instead, see the book and quote from it. See the copyright information
at the close of this article.
A Vision for Manhood
In this essay we will be looking at an inspiring book, Raising a Modern-Day
Knight, in an effort to learn how we can motivate our sons to live lives
of honor and nobility. This book, written by Robert Lewis, grew out his
own experiences as he and some close friends struggled to lead their sons
into balanced, biblical masculinity.
C. S. Lewis wrote that the disparate strands of manhood-- fierceness and
gentleness--can find healthy synthesis in the person of the knight and
in the code of chivalry. Here these competing impulses--normally found
in different individuals--find their union.(1)
Were one of these two bents given full rein, the balance required for
authentic Christian manhood would be lost. Strength and power, without
tenderness, for example, give us the brute. Tenderness and compassion
without masculine firmness and aggressiveness produce a male without the
fire to lead or inspire others.
Biblical examples of these two elements resident in one man are numerous.
Jesus Christ, our Lord, revealed both tough and tender aspects in His
humanity. Once Jesus expressed a desire to gather the citizens of Jerusalem
together as a hen gathers her young under her wings.(2) We know that Christ
wept at least twice: once at the tomb of Lazarus(3) and again as He looked
out over the city of Jerusalem and reflected on the fate of those who
rejected His witness.(4) However, Jesus could also be very stern. Once
He made a whip, ran off the money changers in the temple area, and turned
over their tables.(5) And, in the Garden of Gethsemane, His mere glance
knocked grown men to the ground.(6)
In Paul, we see the same blend of firmness and gentleness. He poured himself
out tenderly nurturing his spiritual children,(7) but he endured more
hardship than most soldiers(8) and didn't hesitate to castigate false
teachers.(9)
In the Old Testament, we see David, who was a poet and singer, but also
a warrior and king. He had the fierceness to kill Goliath, the giant,
and the tenderness to provide for the needs of Jonathan's descendants
after Jonathan was killed.
Keeping the right balance between our impulses toward power and aggression
and the need to be gentle and tender is a challenge most men face. In
his book, Raising a Modern-Day Knight, author Robert Lewis says that Christian
fathers can use knighthood as a symbol, an ideal, and a metaphor for guiding
their sons into authentic manhood. In this way opposing drives can be
harnessed and balanced.
Now, of course, everyone experiences difficulty balancing competing impulses,
but it is specifically the violence by young males that is bringing our
society to the verge of breakdown. Our young men need a vision for masculinity
that challenges and inspires if our society is to be stable and healthy.
In an age of great social, spiritual, and gender confusion, such as ours,
there is a desperate need for clear guidelines and models that can inspire
young men and harness their aggression for constructive ends.
This is where the image of the knight comes in. Since the Middle Ages
these men in iron have fired the imaginations of young men. Knighthood
is attractive because of its code and its call to courage and honor. Young
men are intrigued by testing themselves against various standards, and
the code is inspiring because of its rigor and strictness.
The Need for Modern-Day Knights
In his enthusiastic foreword to Robert Lewis's book, Raising a Modern-Day
Knight, Stu
Weber writes:
Our culture is in deep trouble, and at the heart of its trouble is its
loss of a vision for manhood. If it's difficult for you and me as adult
males to maintain our masculine balance in this gender-neutral' culture,
imagine what it must be like for our sons, who are growing up in an increasingly
feminized world.(10)
We must supply our young men with healthy, noble visions of manhood, and
the figure of the knight, in this regard, is without equal. In the knight
we find a conception of manhood that can lift, inspire, and challenge
our young men to new heights of achievement and nobility. One authority
asserted: "Not all knights were great men, but all great men were
knights."(11) According to Will Durant, chivalry and knighthood gave
to the world one of the "major achievements of the human spirit."(12)
C. S. Lewis, in his essay, "The Necessity of Chivalry," agreed.(13)
He wrote that the genius of the medieval ideal of the chivalrous knight
was that it was a paradox. That is, it brought together two things which
have no natural tendency to gravitate towards one another. It brought
them together for that very reason. It taught humility and forbearance
to the great warrior because everyone knew by experience how much he usually
needed that lesson. It demanded valour of the urbane and modest man because
everyone knew that he was likely as not to be a milksop.(14)
In Malory's Morte Darthur a fellow knight salutes the deceased Lancelot
saying: "Thou wert the meekest man that ever ate in hall among ladies;
and thou wert the sternest knight to thy mortal foe that ever put spear
in the rest." This expresses the double requirement made on knights:
sternness and meekness, not a compromise or blend of the two. Part of
the attraction of the knight is this combination of valor and humility.
Someone once said history teaches us that, "When most men are soft,
a few hard men will rule." For that reason we must do everything
we can to build into our boys the virtues of strength and tenderness so
they can be strong, solid family men and so society will be stable. The
lack of connection between fathers and sons in our culture, made worse
by broken homes and the busyness of our lives, has left many young men
with a masculine identity crisis. That's why the ideas in this book are
so timely and important. Our sons are looking to their fathers for direction.
Fathers are searching for real answers in their attempts to guide their
sons into godly manhood. This book provides answers and guidelines for
this search.
First, from the example of the knight, fathers have a way to point their
sons to manhood with clear ideals: a vision for manhood, a code of conduct,
and a transcendent cause. Second, the pattern of advancement from page
to knight provides fathers with a coherent process for guiding their sons
to manhood. Third, numerous suggestions for ceremonies equip dads with
a variety of means to celebrate and validate their sons' achievements.
The Knight and His Ideals
Now we will turn our attention to the knight and his ideals. In Raising
a Modern-Day Knight, author Robert Lewis suggests three major ideals for
modern-day knights: a vision for manhood, a code of conduct, and a transcendent
cause.
A Vision for Manhood - The author states four manhood principles: Real
men (1) reject passivity, (2) accept responsibility, (3) lead courageously,
and (4) expect the greater reward. He suggests that though men have a
natural inborn aggressiveness, they tend to become passive at home and
avoid social responsibility. These principles, if followed, prevent passivity
from becoming a significant problem.
A Code of Conduct - The code for modern-day knights comes from the pages
of the Bible. Lewis lists 10 ideal characteristics appropriate for modern-day
knights taken from the Scriptures: loyalty, kindness, humility, purity,
servant- leadership, honesty, self-discipline, excellence, integrity,
and perseverance. Modern-day knights must be trained in three important
areas. First, the modern-day knight needs to understand that there must
be a will to obey (God's will) if there is to be spiritual maturity. The
young man must come to know that life is inherently moral and that there
is a God who knows everything and who rewards good and punishes evil.
He must know that absolute values exist and that the commandments of God
are liberating, not confining. Lewis states "True satisfaction in
life is directly proportionate to one's obedience to God. In this context,
moral boundaries take on a whole new perspective: they become benefits,
not burdens."
Second, the modern-day knight needs to understand that he has a work to
do that is in keeping with his inner design. This work is not just his
profession or trade, but refers to work in his home, church, and community.
Life is certainly more than a job, and your son should hear this from
you lest he get the mistaken perception that manhood is just one duty
and obligation after another.
A third realm of responsibility for the modern-day knight is a woman to
love. The code of chivalry requires that all women be treated with respect
and honor. Sons need to see and hear from their fathers the importance
of caring for women in general and loving, leading, and honoring their
wives in particular.
The knight in training should be taught the value of work, have summer
jobs, do chores around the house, and study hard on his school work. The
goal here is to establish patterns of industry and avoid sloth so that
a solid work ethic is in place as he gets older.
A Transcendent Cause - Life is ultimately unsatisfying if it is lived
solely for self. Jesus said if you give up your life you will find it,
so if you live for a cause greater than yourself, you'll be happy and
fulfilled. A transcendent cause is a cause that a person believes is truly
heroic (a noble endeavor calling for bravery and sacrifice), timeless
(has significance beyond the moment), and is supremely meaningful (not
futile).
The only antidote to the futility of life is a transcendent cause and
a vision for life that "integrates the end of life with the beginning,"
and connects time and eternity. Obviously becoming a Christian, developing
a personal relationship with Christ, and living for Him are basic, irreplaceable
elements for having a meaningful life.
A Knight and His Ceremonies
At this point, we turn to focus on the importance of ceremonies in the
life of a young man. It is said that a knight remembers the occasion of
his dubbing (i.e., his installment as a knight) as the finest day of his
life. Such is the power of ceremony that it makes celebrated events unforgettable.
Ceremonies are also invaluable markers that state emphatically: "Something
important has happened here!"
In much of the world, older men have instinctively seen the wisdom of
providing for their sons markers of their journey to manhood. These markers
have been in the form of periodic ceremonies or a significant, final ceremony.
Following such events there is no doubt in the young man's mind that he
has reached the stage in his development celebrated in the ceremony. Later
he can always look back on the ceremony and remember what it meant.
After the elaborate physical, mental, and religious disciplines endured
and passed in relation to his dubbing ceremony, no medieval knight ever
wondered, "Am I a knight?" Such matters had been settled forever
by the power of ceremony in the presence of other men. This is what our
sons need.
Our sons do not normally have such experiences. As Lewis writes, "One
of the great tragedies of Western culture today is the absence of this
type of ceremony. . . . I cannot even begin to describe the impact on
a son's soul when a key manhood moment in his life is forever enshrined
and memorialized by a ceremony with other men."(15)
The author suggests that there are natural stages in a young man's life
that lend themselves to celebration. Each stage has a parallel in the
orderly steps toward knighthood.
Puberty: The Page Ceremony - The first step for a young boy on the path
to knighthood was to become a page. He was like an apprentice, and he
learned about horses, weapons, and falconry and performed menial tasks
for his guardians. Since puberty occurs in a young boy's life around 13
and is an important point in a young man's journey toward adulthood, it
is an excellent time for a simple ceremony involving the boy and his father
celebrating this stage of the young man's life.
High School Graduation: The Squire Ceremony - The next stage on the path
to knighthood was the squire; he was attached to a knight, served him
in many ways, and continued to perfect his fighting skills. This stage
is roughly parallel to the time of high school graduation. It should be
marked by a more involved ceremony led by the boy's father but involving
other men.
Adulthood: The Knight Ceremony - This is the stage in which the squire,
after a period of testing and preparation, is dubbed a knight in an elaborate
ceremony. This marks the end of youth and the arrival of adulthood for
the knight. For the modern- day knight this stage of life is characterized
by the completion of college or entering the world of work or military
service. The author suggests this stage as a perfect time to have a celebration
marking a son's arrival at manhood and full adulthood. This ceremony should
be very special; it should involve the young man, his father, his family,
and other men.
Some Final Thoughts on Knighthood
In this discussion we have been looking at Robert Lewis's book, Raising
a Modern-Day Knight, and discussing knights and chivalry in an attempt
to promote the knight as a worthy ideal, symbol, and metaphor for young
men to emulate. A question left unasked is why young men might need a
stirring, vivid image or concept like the knight as a model. After a lifetime
of studying cultures and civilizations, both ancient and modern, the eminent
anthropologist Margaret Mead made the following observation:
The central problem of every society is to define appropriate roles
for the
men.(16)
Though Margaret Mead was a controversial figure, and I have sometimes
disagreed with her myself, in this statement, I believe she is right on
target. Author George Gilder adds a similar insight when he states: "Wise
societies provide ample means for young men to affirm themselves without
afflicting others."(17)
Men need appropriate roles, and they need the desire to live and perform
those roles. They need to be inspired to do so. Men need roles that are
considered valuable and held to be worthwhile. This is true because men
are psychologically more fragile than women and suffer with their identity
more than women do, though feminists would have us think otherwise. Why
is this so? It is true because "Men, more than women, are culture-made."(18)
This is why it is so important to have a culture-wide vision of manhood.
In modern Western society boys make the journey to manhood without a clear
vision for what healthy manhood is. If they get out of control, the whole
society suffers. Proverbs 29:18 states: "Where there is no vision,
the people perish" [or, "are unrestrained"]. Knights and
chivalry can supply a stirring vision of manhood that has been lacking.
Yet some may think that the figure of the knight is an inappropriate image
to use to inspire Christian young men. Such people need to take a close
look at Scripture. The teachings of Jesus and the letters of Paul use
the image of the hard working farmer, the athlete, and the soldier to
illustrate the points they are trying to make.
Furthermore, there are numerous biblical passages that picture knight-like
images, some of whom are angelic beings and others are Christ Himself.
Specifically, Revelation is replete with images of courtly life familiar
to medieval knights: kings, thrones, crowns, swords, censers, bows, armies,
eagles, dragons, chariots, precious stones, incense, etc.
Actually, we are more indebted to the knightly virtue of chivalry than
we realize. Many of the concepts and words have become part of our familiar
vocabulary. It is from chivalry, for example, that we acquired the concept
of the gentleman (notice the dual stress here--gentle-man) and our concepts
of sportsmanship and fair play. It is perhaps no accident that the decline
in chivalry parallels the rise of taunting and the "win at any price"
attitude among our sports figures.
There is one more aspect to all of this that needs to be emphasized. If
we are successful in inspiring our young men to seek to become modern-day
knights, we need to remind them and ourselves that one can't become a
knight on his own. Our young knights need the company of godly men to
be all that they can be; they need the Roundtable. As Robert Lewis states
so well: "Boys become men in the community of men. There is no substitute
for this vital component. . . . if your boy is to become a man, you must
enlist the community."(19) Why? "First, if a father's presence
is weighty, the presence of other men is weightier still. . . . Second,
enlisting the community of men results in a depth of friendship that the
lonely never experience. . . . And third, the community of men expands
a son's spiritual and moral resources."(20)
© 1997 Probe Ministries International
Endnotes
1. C. S. Lewis, "The Necessity of Chivalry," Present Concerns
(New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1986), pp. 11-16.
2. Matthew 23:37.
3. John 11.
4. Luke 19:41.
5. John 2:13-16.
6. John 18:6.
7. Thessalonians 2: 5-9.
8. 1 Corinthians 11:23-27.
9. Galatians 5:12.
10. Stu Weber cited in Robert Lewis, Raising A Modern-Day Knight: A Father's
Role in Guiding His Son to authentic Manhood (Colorado Springs, Colo.:
Focus on the Family, 1997), vii.
11. Matthew Bennett, "The Knight Unmasked," The Quarterly Journal
of Military History, vol. 7, no. 4(Summer 1995): 10, cited in Robert Lewis,
Raising a Modern-Day Knight, 18.
12. Will and Ariel Durant, The Story of Civilization--The Age of Faith
4 (New York: Simon & Schuster,1950), 578, cited in Robert Lewis, Raising
a Modern-Day Knight, 18.
13. C. S. Lewis, "The Necessity of Chivalry," 13-26.
14. Ibid.
15. Robert Lewis, Raising a Modern-Day Knight, 99.
16. Margaret Mead, Male and Female: A Study of the Sexes in a Changing
World (New York: Dell, 1968),168, cited in Lewis, 46.
17. George Gilder, Men and Marriage (Gretna, La.: Pelican, 1992), 34,
cited in Lewis, 46.
18. David Blankenhorn, Fatherless America (New York: Basic, 1995), 17,
cited in Lewis, 46.
19. Lewis, 150.
20. Ibid., 150-51.
About the Author
Louis D. Whitworth is the former senior editor at Probe Ministries, and
is currently affiliated with Christian Information Ministries. He is a
graduate of Northeast Louisiana University (B.A., Sociology and English,
and M.A., English) and Dallas Theological Seminary (Th.M., Pastoral Theology).
Prior to joining Probe, Lou taught English literature and composition
at the college level and served with Campus Crusade for Christ in the
Military Ministry as well as the Singles Ministry. He is the author of
the Probe booklet, Literature Under the Microscope: A Christian Look at
Reading.
What is Probe?
Probe Ministries is a non-profit corporation whose mission is to reclaim
the primacy of Christian thought and values in Western culture through
media, education, and literature. In seeking to accomplish this mission,
Probe provides perspective on the integration of the academic disciplines
and historic Christianity.
In addition, Probe acts as a clearing house, communicating the results
of its research to the church and society at large.
Further information about Probe's materials and ministry may be obtained
by writing to:
Probe Ministries
1900 Firman Drive, Suite 100
Richardson, TX 75081
(972) 480-0240 FAX(972) 644-9664
info@probe.org
www.probe.org
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